DREAMING OF HIM
A chance meeting at a bar leads to nocturnal impressions
He didn't expect to dream of him.
Two weeks ago they ran into each at a random bar near the centre, a place close to central station on a crooked street near the red light. He was already sitting at a back table with Sanne, Daan, and the rest of their crew when in walked in Freddy looking slightly concerned. As Freddy scanned the room he locked eyes on Bas. Without hesitation, Bas found himself getting up from his seat and walking through the crowd towards him. Their hug was immediate.
“Wow, Freddy. It’s been a minute. What’s up?”
Freddy shuffled in place and crossed his arms. “I’m just looking for my boyfriend. He told me to meet him here.”
“Oh a boyfriend. Nice.” Freddy remained silent. “Do you see him? Why don’t you both come join us?”
Freddy never could fully explain it but he always found it difficult hanging out with a group of Dutch people, especially if they all knew each other since high school or college. They were always out together en masse, a kind of impenetrable force that was friendly enough on the outside but difficult to really get to know. It was a symbol of that kind of tolerance the Dutch are known for: they acknowledged his presence but without any real interest in making a new friend. (And how exhausting to make everyone speak in English just for one person.)
Freddy looked over at the table and could see Sanne’s eyes looking directly at him. Her smile felt like a warning to stay away. “I’ll just grab myself a drink and when I see him maybe we’ll come over to say hi.” Just then, Freddy felt an arm slip around his waist and there was Charley coming in for a kiss. His lips were wet with fresh beer, his pupils black and dilated. Freddy’s heart sank but he forced a smile. “Bas, this is Charley.”
“Hoi,” Bas said extending his hand. “I feel like maybe we’ve met. Maybe at an Afters or something?”
Charley laughed. “That’s possible.”
“Were you at Lo-fi a few weeks ago?” Bas remembered heading to an after-party with Daan and meeting someone at some guy’s apartment still trying to score some pills at seven in the morning. He found his intensity slightly unsettling and decided to keep his distance. Why was Freddy with this guy?
“Lo-fi?” Charley said with with grin. “Maybe. Are you going this weekend? I’m trying to find tickets.”
Freddy glared at him. That’s not what they had discussed earlier. “Well, I don’t think I’m going out this weekend.” It’s not that Freddy didn't want to go out anymore. In the right context and with the right people he really enjoyed being in the moment. It’s just that lately he was noticing that something was changing, that the parties started to take more energy from him than what was coming back. It was clear to him that he needed a break, some time away to make going out feel special again.
Charley gave Freddy a little squeeze with the arm still hooked at his waist. “Didn’t you get paid this week?” Freddy lowered his gaze. Charley looked over at Bas and gave him a flirtatious wink. “He always says he wants to take a break from partying but I always manage to get him to go out. C’mon, Freddy. It’s the weekend!”
Bas looked over at Freddy who seemed lost in his own thoughts. “A chill weekend sounds good.” Looking over at Freddy, he felt like he needed to reassure him somehow of something he didn’t quite understand. “Sometimes you need to do that.”
Charley crooked his neck. “Hey, do you have a number for pilletjes? My guy isn’t responding anymore to my texts. He’s probably in prison or something.” That’s when Bas became certain it was the same guy from the after-party.
***
The dream came on swiftly that night. Maybe the easiest explanation for his erection was that Sanne discreetly let him know that they weren’t haven’t sex that evening by heading home with Marije after the drinks. No explanation, just a brief moment to announce to the group that she wasn’t feeling well.
Perhaps the encounter with Charley and the talk of partying made him think of dark spaces and bright lights. In his dream he was dancing with Daan and laughing, except it turned physical somehow. The closeness of Daan’s breath and the dampness of his shirt pressed against his warm body felt real. When they started to kiss it was with an intense inevitability. The touch of their tongues in each other’s mouths made him ache. But when Bas pulled away he saw that it wasn't Daan’s face at all but Freddy’s.