SUMMER CHECK IN

To those of you who are actively engaging with this little Substack thing I’m doing, I just want to say, thank you

I want to enjoy my summer. What I mean by that is I want to try my best to be present, to embrace the gorgeous sunlight and warm breeze on my skin, and to remind myself to breathe, and to take stock of of where I am and where I’ve been. Unlike other seasons, Summer seems to go by in a blink of an eye. June arrives, and we’re anxious for that consistent summer heat to appear. By the time it’s July, social plans, club nights and vacations fill up the calendar that, before you know it, it’s the end of August and it’s time to get serious for September’s back to work/school vibes.

Breathe. Be present. Be here. Now.

LITTLE WINS

I finally figured out what sunscreen to use. I’ve always loved the summer but for years me and the sun have not been friends. Seven years ago I developed an allergic to some sunscreen I happened to buy when I was on vacation in Tenerife. I developed red bumps all over my body that took months to finally go away. Since then, I have tried several different products and strategies to try and keep my skin from developing heat rashes without it being exacerbated by sunscreen. This year I was determined to find a solution. After months of online research and reading reddit posts, I figured out that mineral sunscreens with zinc and titanium oxide actually protect me from the sun without messing up my sensitive skin. I mustn’t be the only one who sees the benefits in mineral sunscreen because somehow it always seems to be the most expensive type of sunscreen at Etos. These are the kinds of small wins that I’m happy about this summer.

LIFE IS A CHA-CHA

Thank you Jonathan Bailey for igniting the internet with your slutty little glasses, but I’m still a little bummed that I no longer have 20/20 vision. I had laser eye surgery over ten years ago and even then, I was told that it may not be a permanent fix. In general, I still see quite well but I wonder if my headaches and dizziness will subside once I settle on a pair of glasses.

Lately, any reminder of the passage of time has been an extra burden on my soul. There has been so much loss, both personally and in my friend circle that grief, big and small, seems to be a constant companion these days. In the past few years, it has shaped and coloured my world, and I don’t know yet how to make peace with it. I hope in some ways it has made me a more compassionate person.

WRITING

I’ve been writing since I was ten. Stories, plays, poems, anything really. It’s been something that I can control, that I can play with. Other than pen and paper, it has never been an expensive creative outlet. It doesn’t require DJ equipment or classes even. I can just wake up and show up. There have also been months or years where I didn’t write at all, but I never worried that I would find my way back to it. Whenever I feel lost in my life I know I can always return to my journals, to my voice.

That’s not to say all writing is easy. I have a goal to finish my MA thesis this summer and it hasn’t been a real slog. I’ve found it increasingly difficult to stay focused and to find the joy in synthesizing my thoughts into an academic format.

Even writing this Substack sometimes fills me with dread. Every Tuesday there’s the pressure of completing something, of writing on a deadline, even if it’s not perfect or makes much sense.

But this is the point. It’s the practice of showing up, of putting myself out there, being messy, fucking up, and doing it anyway. I’m tired of this notion of waiting to be good at something in order to share a piece of myself. There are plenty of other Substacks to read if you want to get that kind of journalistic and didactic writing. I’m just trying to forge my own path. So, to those of you who are actively engaging with this little Substack thing I’m doing, I just want to say, thank you.